I am in Gimli today.
It is a surprise trip, one presented to me just a few days ago, by a friend of a friend. Normally, I would not have gone; my introverted need-time-alone-as-much-as-possible self would’ve said no thanks.
But here’s the thing: our two-year old son goes to daycare each Thursday, so the day was available. And while I have work to catch up on, none of it is pressing. And perhaps most importantly, I was at peace about going, excited even.
So I am here, in Gimli, sitting at Flatlanders Coffee, not actually drinking coffee but rather, a satisfying mug of London fog tea.
I want to write, but true to my addled brain, I have at least ten thousand ideas battling to get on this page. I am not sure which one to go with; they all seem to be asking for space.
So since this is, at least for now, sort of a ‘health and recovery’ focused blog, perhaps that is the most apt place to begin.
Besides, I have funny news: it has been decreed that the lymphocele is, indeed, pressing up against the kidney and bladder, blocking proper urine flow.
Ha. Ha Ha. No shit, Sherlock.
It’s taken ten weeks, four ultrasounds, two biopsies, a nephrostomy tube insertion, a botched lymphocele drain, countless complaints about my left leg swelling, and various ongoing blood tests to “discover” this.*
To his credit, the nephrologist, after viewing the results of the latest ultrasound, and while I was yet standing in his office, picked up his office phone and promptly called the appropriate surgeon to schedule surgery on the lymphocele.
And now we wait.
(While I am not fond of yet more surgery, a desperation to be rid of the inconvenience makes what was a formally repulsive idea, strangely appealing.This lymphocele has its days numbered. I’ve never been so excited for surgery before.)
*There is a 'movement of thankfulness' that has, in recent years, erupted in modern society. I blame Oprah.**
I am witnessing a societal pressure to verbalize or record, or in some manner acknowledge, thankful moments throughout the day. I am not opposed to this. I actually think that it is a good practice. I am concerned however, if this 'gratitude attitude' comes at the expense of the admission of life's griefs and disappointments.
Further, I would question whether an authentic form of gratitude can exist without the co-existence of disappointment. And I would argue that both -- gratitude and disappointment -- need spaces to be expressed.
** I don't actually blame Oprah. Please Oprah, if you are reading this, don't send your people after me. I'm not worth the trouble. Really.