I wish that, as modern society, we had another way of greeting each other. The usual "hihowareyou' is slightly irksome at the best of times, but when quite unwillingly carrying around a hair-shirt of grief, it becomes the most difficult question imaginable.

I don't know how I am doing, thank you. 

(Am I doing better than a few weeks ago? Yes, I would say so. Mind you, I am merely speaking in regards to my emotional well-being: I don't want to jump off a cliff anymore*, which is good. 

Health-wise, I would say that I have remained the same, if not declined. The kidney function remains consistent, plugging away at twenty-five percent. The anemia has stayed low, with marginal increase. Calcium, too, continues to be below what it ought to be. Further, I am still wearing the extremely attractive beige tensor bandage all the way up my left leg, while I wait for lymphocele surgery. It --my left leg-- is less swollen, but all that fluid had to go somewhere. It therefore has happily made a home in my belly and crotch area. Yes, I just said crotch. 

Best of all, I now have a nephrostomy tube jutting out of my newly implanted kidney, so that the urine can drain out. Do you know what that means? It means that I don't get to pee like a 'normal' person anymore; it all goes in the bag. In the past nearly ten years**, I had six and a half weeks of peeing. I really enjoyed peeing. Like, enjoyed it enough that it was one of a small handful of reasons that I was not looking for that cliff).

So how am I doing?*** 

I don't know. I really don't know.



*Its a good thing Winnipeg is flat.

**peeing eventually stops when on dialysis

***Here's the thing: as much as I am complaining tonight, I really do need people to ask how I am. I think we all do. So my hope is that this post -- although honest--will not scare you off of inquiring.