I need to apologize. I shut this blog down nearly six months ago without a lot of warning. In retrospect, I can see that such an abrupt ending was inconsiderate. I further did not divulge many* details about why I chose to rather suddenly stop adding new posts.
Again, I apologize.** And I now offer an explanation:
I chose to close this blog because I was feeling out of control. I am not proud of this. Living, nevermind post-transplant-number-three-with-the-added-bonus-of-an-enormous-lymphocele-thrown-in-and-all-that-entails had worn me down. I was tired of my own grief. I wanted to close the door on the post-transplant and ensuing complications stage. And so I did.
I must now admit two things: consciously deciding to end the blog and further taking action to do so felt good. It really did.
But here is the other thing that I must confess: I am still not sure that it was the correct decision. But it is done. And now I move on.
Which leads to an invitation. As promised, my pencil has not stayed still. I am currently writing at thisparticular.life, a brand-new blog about things -- encased in living-with-a-chronic-illness wrapping, of couse. Not because I want to, but because it is the reality in which I find myself.***** You are welcome to join. This kidney-number-three and I would love to have you along.
**to be Canadian, you must apologize at least twice in any circumstances that warrant it. Or not warranting it, actually. To be Canadian you must apologize profusely whether the situation calls for a double-sorry or not. This is, indeed, Canadian law.***
***Okay, I lied. It is not truly Canadian law. But it ought to be.****
****apologies for lying. I truly am sorry. Truly.
*****this is me accepting my circumstances. My therapist would be proud.